Wednesday, 4 June 2008

STARVATION OR SALVATION


Ahhhhh.... global crises.


Gone are the days when all we had to worry about was peace in the Middle East or the Russian commie-bastards nuking us all to hell.


These days we have a whole lot more to worry about. From Generals in Burma, Chinese beating the crap out of Tibet, the sky-rocketing price of oil, AIDS, Iranian nuclear capabilities, North Korean madness, the global warming myth to my personal favourite... FOOD SHORTAGES.


Yeah, food shortages.


I mean the rest dont really worry me that much.... The Generals in Burma will surely be overthrown one day, China's shitty buildings will be its downfall (yeah, pun intended), the Tibetans will be free, oil will be replaced by renewable energy resources, AIDS will be cured, Israel will nuke Iran before it can develop its own damn weapons, Kim Jong Il will die (everybody does), global warming remains a myth.... but food shortages? Now that IS worrying.


WHY?


Because apparently, its making our leaders weak and stupid.


Just the other day, Patrick Wall, chairman of the European Food Safety Authority, questioned whether it was "morally or ethically correct" to be feeding grain to animals while people starve. Speaking to the Times, he argued that it's time to end the EU ban on the use of animal remains to feed livestock. Because lifting the ban would allow grain to be diverted to millions of starving people.


Sounds good, right?? Yeah, except the ban on using animal remains to feed livestock was enforced because this practice was linked to a little thing called BSE:


Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE), commonly known as Mad-Cow Disease (MCD), a fatal, neurodegenerative disease in cattle, that causes a spongy degeneration in the brain and spinal cord and also causes red eyes. BSE has a long incubation period, about 4 years, usually affecting adult cattle at a peak age onset of four to five years, all breeds being equally susceptible. In the United Kingdom, the country worst affected, more than 179,000 cattle have been infected and 4.4 million slaughtered during the eradication programme.


So according to Captain Numbnuts, the best way to tackle starvation is to run the risk or removing yet another food source from the pitiful equation while turning the rest of us into froth foaming-from-the-mouth vegetables. Bollocks. Pure bollocks. Dont listen to that muppet.


Instead, listen to me. I have the solution!! Look at the picture below:



WHOA!! Thats a whole lot of kids, right? In fact, every damn photo appeal for the starving that I see involves some woman surrounded by enough kids to form her own damn tribe.


And kids dont come from nowhere do they?? Nope. Despite what your parents may or may not have told you, some solid, sweaty, heavy, heated, horizontal-monkey-dance graft is required to make one of those lil tykes!! And that requires energy. Lots of it. And where do humans get energy from? Thats right. FOOD.


And kids? Kids need food to grow. Kids grow to be adults, adults that perform the horizontal-monkey-dance, which creates more kids, which then swells the worlds population, which ultimately consumes more food.


So is it right to feed these people??

OF COURSE IT IS, YOU SELFISH BASTARDS!

For you see, the answer to this whole sorry saga is a simple one:

USE A DAMN CONDOM!!

9 comments:

Jen said...

I dont think condoms will work. Those are for people who care about and have hope for their future.

You rarely see families with upper middle class incomes or educations in these photos. Why???...well the obvious reasons are because they have jobs, money, homes and are intelligent enough to make better choices.

Maybe if all you have to look forward to is an existance of extreme poverty...the only way to escape you have is drugs or sex...

Some people cant afford drugs.

Forzavryheid said...

Then we cut their food supply until they learn lol

Jen said...

I hesitate to mention this, but aren't they still reproducing while slowly dying of starvation now?

I think you're just going to have to bite the bullet and send them drugs. I hear there are a number out there that totally eliminate the sex drive.

Sprinkle alittle on the morning gruel and problem solved.

Forzavryheid said...

Tried that during Apartheid, didnt work! : D

NEUTRON BOMB I SAY!!

Jen said...

Really? Seriously? I had no idea. And here I thought I had an original solution with that one.

DAMN!

Fiona said...

Thoughtful and to the point, as always! Damn, I've missed your blogs.

...Fiona.

Forzavryheid said...

HAHAHAHA!!

Thanks Fiona : D

Jackson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jean-Jacques Bouchet said...

My uncle says that using a condom is like washing your feet with socks.