Thursday, 29 May 2008


THIS JUST IN. News from Africa's "bastion of civilisation" (also known as "Zimbabwe" to the non-Zanu-PF supporters)...

Grace Mugabe, the wife of Comrade Bob has come out in full support of him and has made it quite clear to the opposition and their supporters that Robert will not step aside, no matter what the outcome of the election... unless it is for another fellow Zanu-PF candidate.

"Even if people vote for the MDC, Morgan Tsvangirai will never step foot inside State House," she said after meeting victims of political violence that has rocked Zimbabwe since the first round of voting on March 29."He will only get to hear about what it looks like inside State House from people who have been there. Even if Baba (Mugabe) loses, he will only leave State House to make way for someone from ZANU-PF."

Oh dear. Not a very good sign before a controversial run-off election. Naturally, the rest of the world (and indeed the rest of Africa too) is quite outraged. So outraged that they will be doing....


Except maybe, just maybe write a nasty-worded letter to Robert asking him politely to stop misbehaving. Or maybe even say something negative about the Southern African region and its leaders to a newspaper reporter and then sit back, wiping their sweat covered brows, believing that utopia will imminently arrive in Africa now that they have valiantly done their utmost to resolve the situation. Who could blame them? Apparently this works... as thriving Third World democracies throughout the world testify.

But maybe Im getting ahead of myself here. I mean c'mon- all Mugabe did was rig an election and then force a run-off, right? Thats not so bad, is it? George W Bush allegedly did it. OK, so he did it without the senseless murders. Not that it matters in Zimbabwe- theres loads of 'em left after all. Heck, not even AIDS could dent their numbers. And even if it did matter, it wouldnt matter for long. Because after the run-off, democracy will surely be restored, the streams will surely turn to syrup, the pink sky will be filled with fluffy, puffy candy floss clouds and unicorns will happily skip over rainbows. Then all will be right with the world and the lives lost will be forgotten in the euphoria of freedom. Why? Because thats what happens. Walt Disney movies tell us so.

The only problem is, last time I watched a Walt Disney movie, I dont remember a frikkin Chinese registered ship transporting a WWIII sized shipment of weapons to a politically unstable country. Luckily for the oppressed people of Zimbabwe, the West has shown strong leadership and made it very clear to both China as well as the corrupt leadership in South Africa and Zimbabwe that this situation will not be allowed to continue to develop by playing their strongest hand yet:


Instead, they have left it to the people, the electorate to deal with the matter. On the one hand, the various unions refused to unload the arms shipment. Good on them- they showed more balls than ANY of the leaders the world over have shown thus far. And that says something, because Im not much of a supporter of mass labour movements at the best of times.

However, not all ideas are good ideas when it comes to leaving the electorate to clean up a weak, stupid governments mess. Just ask the refugees and illegal immigrants that were involuntarily turned into beaten barbeque kebabs last week after township opportunists and closet-case criminals decided to take border control to a whole new level.

The situation is clearly out of control.

But apparently we have bigger things to worry about right now....




Jen said...

You know traditionally situations like this were sometimes taken care of using the old fashioned but time honored assasination method.

Of course Im not suggesting anyone should do anything remotely like that. That would just be wrong.
: D

Forzavryheid said...

Im thinking: NEUTRON BOMB

Jen said...

Nice choice.

I was thinking more along the lines of one of those James Bond type satellite lasers...with the pin point accuracy...Much less splatter and clean up. I do love gadgets.

Forzavryheid said...

But neutron bombs will leave the buildings and mines intact lol