Priests do. Globalisation does. Starving Africans on the telly and in the newspapers seem to. But nobody, absolutely nobody seems to love their children more than the parents in China and India.
Thursday 19 June 2008
CHILDREN, WHAT CHILDREN?
Priests do. Globalisation does. Starving Africans on the telly and in the newspapers seem to. But nobody, absolutely nobody seems to love their children more than the parents in China and India.
Sunday 15 June 2008
STEREOTYPE SLAYERS
Wednesday 4 June 2008
STARVATION OR SALVATION
WHOA!! Thats a whole lot of kids, right? In fact, every damn photo appeal for the starving that I see involves some woman surrounded by enough kids to form her own damn tribe.
And kids dont come from nowhere do they?? Nope. Despite what your parents may or may not have told you, some solid, sweaty, heavy, heated, horizontal-monkey-dance graft is required to make one of those lil tykes!! And that requires energy. Lots of it. And where do humans get energy from? Thats right. FOOD.
And kids? Kids need food to grow. Kids grow to be adults, adults that perform the horizontal-monkey-dance, which creates more kids, which then swells the worlds population, which ultimately consumes more food.
So is it right to feed these people??
OF COURSE IT IS, YOU SELFISH BASTARDS!
For you see, the answer to this whole sorry saga is a simple one:
USE A DAMN CONDOM!!
Friday 30 May 2008
MBEKI MAIL
OK, OK, so he didnt really use those words, but it was damn close!
"According to a US official quoted by Washington Post columnist Michael Gerson, Mbeki slammed the US, "in a text packed with exclamation points", for taking sides against President Robert Mugabe and disrespecting the views of the Zimbabwean people."He said it was not our business," Gerson quotes the unnamed official as saying, and "to butt out, that Africa belongs to him".
Now, the more observant types amongst you may have noticed that he addressed this letter to the President of the United States of America. Yeah, to a little guy called George W Bush, more affectionately known as "The Most Powerful Man in the World". Not exactly Mbekis most inspiring move then, huh?
Especially when you bear in mind that President Bush has tripled U.S. assistance to Africa over the past four years to $3.2 billion. Then, in June 2005, the President also announced that the U.S. would spend an additional $674 million on African aid. (Compare that to Chinas harmful relationships with despots the continent over and their subsequent bankrolling of genocides in these countries).
And then of course, there is the fact that the US currently has 4,075 nuclear warheads at its disposal. Naturally, nothing compared to South Africas large nuclear arsenal consisting of exactly ZERO nukes. But better to be safe, right? So my advice to to the South African President is:
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
Damn, I sure love "quiet diplomacy".
Sources:
http://www.int.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=3045&art_id=vn20080529115434522C423994
http://www.brookings.edu/articles/2005/0627africa_rice.aspx
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_states_with_nuclear_weapons
Thursday 29 May 2008
STAND BY YOUR MUGABE
Except maybe, just maybe write a nasty-worded letter to Robert asking him politely to stop misbehaving. Or maybe even say something negative about the Southern African region and its leaders to a newspaper reporter and then sit back, wiping their sweat covered brows, believing that utopia will imminently arrive in Africa now that they have valiantly done their utmost to resolve the situation. Who could blame them? Apparently this works... as thriving Third World democracies throughout the world testify.
But maybe Im getting ahead of myself here. I mean c'mon- all Mugabe did was rig an election and then force a run-off, right? Thats not so bad, is it? George W Bush allegedly did it. OK, so he did it without the senseless murders. Not that it matters in Zimbabwe- theres loads of 'em left after all. Heck, not even AIDS could dent their numbers. And even if it did matter, it wouldnt matter for long. Because after the run-off, democracy will surely be restored, the streams will surely turn to syrup, the pink sky will be filled with fluffy, puffy candy floss clouds and unicorns will happily skip over rainbows. Then all will be right with the world and the lives lost will be forgotten in the euphoria of freedom. Why? Because thats what happens. Walt Disney movies tell us so.
The only problem is, last time I watched a Walt Disney movie, I dont remember a frikkin Chinese registered ship transporting a WWIII sized shipment of weapons to a politically unstable country. Luckily for the oppressed people of Zimbabwe, the West has shown strong leadership and made it very clear to both China as well as the corrupt leadership in South Africa and Zimbabwe that this situation will not be allowed to continue to develop by playing their strongest hand yet:
LIKE THE PRICE OF OIL.